It took one five minute phone call to wreck Dick's summer. Hell, to wreck Dick's life.

( Cut for language and Veronica Mars season two spoilers )

[And Dick has left Fandom, woe. Sorry it was so abrupt but that's just the way canon is. He'll pop up again in time for Homecoming. He's just gonna go home and emo now. And if anyone asks, I didn't cry while writing this]

Dick had had a great evening with Veronica at prom and yes, admitting that in his head still sounded a bit weird to him. If someone suggested it a year ago he wouldn't have thought it possible. But there it was. He had gotten back late and barely managed to take that monkey suit of his off before passing out in bed.

Which is where he was right now. He planned to stay there sleeping most of the day. Of course that plan was about to go right out the window.

[For a weetiny one]

Dick had come back from getting his fortune told at the park in a fairly good mood. Sure, he was apparently destined to marry a rodent but there were worse wives out there than a squirrel. There'd be plenty of rum around at least. And they would probably be good dancers at the wedding. That was always good.

Speaking of dancing, prom was on Friday. Dick groaned. It was senior prom; he had to go. But he didn't want to go without a date. That was totally lame. No chick in school was going to go with him if Annette had blabbed to everybody about what happened on New Years. Which totally wasn't as bad as she would have made it sound. She cheated first, after all. Hey. That gave him an idea.

He got his phone and punched in a certain phone number.

[For the short, blonde and sassy one in Neptune]

Today was Dick's eighteenth birthday. He was a little bummed out because he knew if he was in Neptune Logan would totally be taking him to see some strippers or something. Still, there was nothing attacking and he hadn't turned into a girl which he supposed always made up for an okay birthday in this town.

He decided to go out to J, GOB and buy himself a cake because, hello, cake was the best part of birthdays. On the way there a squirrel stopped him and pointed at his wee wrist.

"Oh, what time is it? Hold on," Dick said. He lifted up his arm to check his watch and when he did a pastry fell onto his hand. Then another pastry fell, nearly hitting the squirrel. Then a couple more fell around Dick. He was able to hold out his hand to catch a few more. A wide grin spread across his face.

It was raining pastries. Free dessert was falling from the sky.

THIS WAS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!

[Establishy. I just had to do it]

Dick's mother had sent a huge Valentine's Day package filled with every kind of candy imaginable. She may have been a botox-filled monster but the lady knew how to make her son happy. Right now Dick was digging into his Valentine's gift early and working his way through a huge bag of Skittles.

The door was open.

[For one and up for great SPing justice]

Dick was sitting in his room and was kicking Sparkles' ass at Mario Kart for the umpteenth time in a row. It was Sparkles fault for choosing to play as Peach. She sucks. Bowser for the win.

[For a certain phone call. Or calls]

Simmons had found a signal of somebody from Red army over his headset and he was determined to find who it was. Perhaps it was Sarge and then the two of them could figure out a way to get back to Blood Gulch. That'd be great! Or maybe it was Grif and then Simmons could rule over him and they could start their own base. That'd be even better! Simmons climbed up to the third floor of an apartment building and stopped at #4 and knocked.

"Cominnnnnnnnng!" said a familiar voice from inside. The door was thrown open and standing there...

...was Donut.

"Oh my god! Simmons!" Donut squealed. "You've found me! Are you going to take me back to base? Or are you stuck here too? I've got an extra bedroom, we could be like roommates! We can watch Project Runway together and think up ideas for clothes and then have our own little Project Runway right here in the apartment. Isabel can be Heidi Klum! And the eye-patch guy who owns the place can be our Tim Gunn! He can tell us to make it work and, oh my god, we so will!"

"I've died and gone to hell," Simmons groaned.

[Establishy!]

Having slept alone in a bed for the past three years Private Dick Simmons was well aware of his bed partner the instant he woke up. He turned over (which was hard, considering he was fully armored for some reason) and looked at the person next to him. Girl. The girl next to him. Oh god...

"Uh, Sister?" Simmons asked quietly. He paused for a moment. "...Tex?"

[For the girl who is neither Sister nor Tex. And in case the armor wasn't a giveaway, Dick thinks he's Simmons from Red vs. Blue. Oh yes, I will have fun talking to myself later]

The only good thing about the writers strike was that MTV had nothing better to play than Top Model marathons. Which pleased both Sparkles (since he loved Miss J) and Dick (since he had PMS). Dick was snuggled in his covers with a giant bowl of ice cream in his hands.

"Oh, that Melrose is such a bitch," Dick said. "I'd smack the hell out of her if I had the chance. Of course I wouldn't have the chance because I'm too damn fat to be on that show! Do you think I'm fat, Sparkles?"

The transformer put a hand on Dick's shoulder and patted it soothingly.

[Open, sure]

Man, I guess I should do one of these things, shouldn't I? Well, it's gonna be real short cause um...there's cake here. And hot wings. And I want to eat them. Not mixed together.

( Here you go! )

Questions? Comments? No, you can't have any cake. It's mine!

Dick woke up late on Wednesday. He had gotten back to Fandom late last night but had trouble falling asleep for obvious reasons. He wasn't one to feel guilty about anything so it wasn't guilt that kept him awake. It wasn't like he was married or anything. He just didn't feel like arguing. But then again he and Veronica agreed not to tell anybody what happened. So he wasn't. And he had absolutely no problem with that.

Of course Sparkles insisting that they watch the whole week long Top Model marathon could also have been part of the reason why Dick couldn't sleep. If the word "fierce" starts sneaking into Dick's vocabulary that Transformer is so getting grounded from the TV.

[Open, sure]

The TV was on, booze was out and Dick already had a good buzz going. Yep, it was New Year's alright. And what was even better, Tila Tequlia had her own New Year's special this year. She was way better than that old Dick Clark guy. And she was more fun to look at too.

"Oh Tila, you are so hot."

[For anyone in LA for New Year's. Up early for sp]

Dick was sitting at his desk writing out a list of things he wanted for Christmas at the request of his brother. He knew that Beaver was going to pass on the list to their mother so she could go out and buy gifts that Dick specifically asked for. Beav said it makes her feel like she's doing a great job as a mother when she gets Dick *gasp* exactly what he wants without him telling her! He didn't see the point, really. It's not like he was spending Christmas with them.

There was another list on the opposite page of people he had to get gifts for. God, he was so bad at that. Why couldn't he just get people money?

[Door's open]

Dick had been on the phone since he had gotten up this morning. If it wasn't people from the company calling him with questions about this or that, it was his wife or kids calling him about stuff. You'd think he'd be able to leave for a school reunion for two days without all hell breaking loose. But you'd be wrong.

"No, I told you I didn't want him involved in that project." Dick said. He had the phone cradled between his shoulder and his ear as he put on a shoe. "Because I know him better than anyone and giving him a job in Vegas is a bad idea. Okay, fine. If you think you can keep Logan away from the slots and the sluts then go ahead. But when you find yourself doing all the work then don't go complaining to me. Look, I gotta go, my daughter is on the other line."

Dick clicked over to the next line. "Hey, baby girl. What's up? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Lilly, I don't care what you get pierced as long as you keep it clean but I think your mother is going to want a say in it..."

[Establishy!]

Yeah, Dick felt like crap. Again. His covers were pulled over his head and he tried to block out any light from coming in since that just made his headache worse. He was also feeling hot all over and not in the way he usually did.

"Sparkles, go get me some water." Dick mumbled. Unfortunately the door was closed and Sparkles couldn't open it to get to the common room because he was too wee to reach the handle.

[For the girlfriend primarily]

Sorry I dropped off the face of the Earth yesterday, guys. I took a Nyquil and slept for...oh...about fourteen hours.

The lesson we learn here today is: Sam + any drug with the word "drowsiness" = sleep for days.

Dick was very thankful that Annette said her door was unlocked when he called her that afternoon. He wasn't looking to get sick again, especially with a sickness that made you sneeze orange stuff. Gross.

He counted on Annette's door being unlocked. What he didn't count on, however, was the room being filled with roses. Again. Suddenly 222 looked like a better place to stay in. He tossed his bag on the spare bed and tried to clear off a space for him to sit while he watched TV. He wasn't about to get rid of the roses before Annette had a chance to see them.

[Room hijacked with permission. For the occupant of the room if she wants]

Dick practically ran to his room after his Fandom Invasions class. He shut and locked the door as soon as he came in. He did not need Annette coming to visit until after he stopped freaking out. He needed to vent to somebody. So he left a handwavy message for the only other person who would understand and waited for her to show up.

Dick was cleaning his side of the room. Or rather, shoving stuff under the bed or throwing it over towards Jim's side of the room. He didn't really feel like he needed to clean for Beaver's visit but he didn't want to be lectured on what a pig he was. Sparkles was keeping himself occupied by playing Twilight Princess on the Wii Annette had given Dick. He would beep angrily every time Dick had to walk in front of the TV to put something in his dresser.

"Thanks for helping, assface." Dick said, nudging Sparkles on the shoulder.

[Door's open as is the post]

It was ten in the morning on Sunday so of course Dick was asleep. In fact he was having a pretty good dream involving Annette, Jessica Alba and a tub of Cool Whip. Actually, it was a great dream. Right up until he heard his mother’s voice shouting, “Cassidy! Dick Junior! Mommy’s here! Where are my little boys?”

“What the-? Ew! Where did that come from?” Dick said, rolling over and putting a pillow over his head. “Jessica, Annette, come back!”

Just then Beaver burst through Dick’s bedroom door. “Dick, get up! Mom’s here!”

“Ugh. Dammit.” Dick mumbled. “I’ll be down in a sec.”

( Table! )

[Yet again, NFB and NFI due to distance but OOC comments are love. Most of the dialogue taken from the Veronica Mars episode “Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner”]